The end of a relationship is difficult. That’s especially true when the breakup catches you by surprise. If your significant other left you with little or no explanation, you may be struggling to make sense of it all. Consider these suggestions for getting back on your feet.
Recovering From the Breakup
1. Give yourself time to heal. Some studies of brain patterns have found similarities between physical pain and social rejection. Be gentle with yourself. Eat well and indulge in a soothing activity like a massage or warm bath.
2. Start a journal. You might benefit from putting things in writing. Creating a record may help you spot the significance of events that you initially overlooked. It can also be a great place to record your feelings.
3. Reach out to friends. Talk things over with those close to you. Ask for the support you need. Accept a helping hand. Spend more time with pals who make you laugh.
4. Set new goals. Tackle new and exciting projects. If you’ve been thinking about getting a dog, adopt one. Plan a vacation to Costa Rica. Learn to bake bread or knit a scarf.
5. Change your routines. Familiar places and events can act as triggers when you’re getting over a relationship. You may want to temporarily avoid the music you listened to together or the bakery you visited every Sunday morning.
6. See a counselor. If you notice major changes in your thinking or you’re still feeling sad after several months have passed, it may be time to seek outside help. Therapy can present you with alternative perspectives and solutions.
7. Write your own ending. Even if your partner declines to talk things over, you can reach your own conclusions. Acknowledge your part in how things turned out and extend forgiveness to yourself and your former partner. It will help you let go and move forward.
Preventing Yourself From Getting Blindsided Again
1. Evaluate your relationship patterns. If this is an isolated event, you may be able to leave it at that. Maybe your partner had a disturbing event take place in their life or perhaps they were on the rebound from a previous romance. If these types of breakups keep happening to you, ask yourself why.
2. Pace yourself. Relationships that progress too quickly can burn out just as fast. Get to know each other well. Gradually share more personal information and develop trust in stages.
3. Communicate openly. Address sensitive subjects directly and respectfully. Encourage healthy disclosure. Listen attentively to what your partner has to say even when it makes you feel uncomfortable.
4. Resolve conflicts constructively. Show your partner that you’re committed to handling disagreements in a mature manner. They’ll be more likely to trust you with their concerns.
5. Focus on actions. Pay attention to what your partner says and does. Think twice if they say they want to spend more time with you, but they’re booked up every weekend. Examine why they avoid providing details about their past or whereabouts.
6. Accept the risks. In the end, there’s only so much you can do to determine the course of any relationship. If you’re too afraid to get hurt, you’ll avoid relationships altogether. Assure yourself that you can handle setbacks and use them to learn and grow.
Romantic relationships have the potential to fill our lives with joy and purpose, but they also carry some risks. Take extra care of yourself whenever you experience a profound loss. Learn from your missteps and keep your eyes open to reduce the chances of it happening again.